hopefornewlife..?

even tho its still hard for me..but, this experience makes me realized..u can't beg for love, it have to given naturally..and yepp ..now i'm hoping for a new life, new pages in my life..a little hopes wouldn't do any harm, right..?
i'm starting to move on..like u do..and u do it very well . ..if u can do it, why wouldn't i..?even i have to take bleeding steps..i have to try to move my steps forward ..u are happy now, it's my turn to feel the same..

idon'tknowhow

It's seems very easy for u..to forget all this behind . ..i wonder how something become nothing that easy..i'm tired to keep wondering..and today, all my walls falling one by one..but, not for u..u don't even care and realized ..i'm just another girl in ur life..

don't say anything, don't promise anything. ..i won't believe it anymore..
u said every relationship should have a great foundation & u have it with me..one day u said i'm the one, the next day u forget..
Just, please, don't ever promise anything..ever again..

Everything i see, i read, i say, i smell reminds me of u..

It's really painful..when i see someone using maroon glasses, when i read magazine i see hair wax that u usually use, when i read flyer about something that held at ancol, when i smell someone using perfume like u use, it makes me wanna cry.. =,(

But then my mind think..have u ever think about me like this..? i'm going to be crazy maybe, it's really over thinking..BOO~ please, stop playing around in my mind..i'm tired..

Nightmare..?

i dreamed about u last night and when i take a nap this noon.. i rarely dream, so maybe this dream pop up in my head because i've been thinking about u all this time..and u know what..?i'm starting to give up, my feelings still the same, but something has changed..u're fading, and now so am i..

Maybe it's seems hard right now, but it'll helps me to grow..i still can't let u go now, but i'll learn my best for it..

i remember the moment, after u going out of country for business trip, u always makes time for us to meet..before and after if i'm not wrong..and u always said 'see, how i love u..i'm tired but i always makes time for u..' yeah, i remember. ..but, have u realize..? When u're at jakarta, who's the one comes to ur home just to see u and give u food after office hours..? Just to see u for while..but, sorry i don't count how many times i came up, bcos i do it with sincerely..don't u remember, how many times u mad at me just bcos i wanna meet up to see u..? And do u know how it hurts..? Maybe actually u don't care about it at all..

Be happy with whoever u want and wherever u are.. God always be with u..take care~

Fixing my steps~

Day 3-

Still got no news. ..maybe will not for a long time..

u know how to find me, but u choose not to..i choose to see how far u'll ignore me..here i am, waiting for a chance to see u again, waiting for talk again, waiting for another crazy time with u..or i'm just waiting in vain, waiting for nothing ..?
i.miss.u.til.its.hurts

try to get my inner peace..

Brain & heart, please forgive me ..now, i'm going to let both of u to be happy..

Day 2-
There's no text or calls from u. ..maybe this time is really goodbye..

From now on, i don't wanna tell u to understand my past or myself. ..i have to let u not accepting me for who i am..i'll shut my mouth. ..
U choose this, i give u what u want..hope u can be happy now. ..

Thanks for my friends (MB, EW, ci SH), they don't know the details but they always support me..they don't blame me or him..cause finding the one who's wrong will not solve the problem..

Now i'm waiting the time to give u all the present that i prepare from June..u can accept those present with smile, or throw it, it's up to u. ..i won't blame u..
I.miss.u.til.its.hurt ~
That's all. ..got nothing left to say..

Question mark

Day 1-
What are you doing right now..?
Have you take your dinner..?
Are you thinking of me like i'm thinking of you..?
Are you checking your phone like i'm doing right now..?
i keep checking are you online..and yeah, i know you're online right now..but, i'm force myself not text..
Are you texting with someone else..?

Gosh..! i miss you so much..
Now you're just somebody i used to know..

Life goes on..?

Life goes on..? i don't know ..

I know i can go on without u..but i choose not to.. I really don't know how to feel again, how to handle this anymore, what should i do..i don't even know whom to talk to..

When i'm working, all i think is what are u doing, have u drink water, what keeping u so busy..i can't work, my brain doesn't connected with my heart now.. so, everything i'm doing is beyond far from good.. =(

Darn..!! why is this happening to me..? when i really give my all, i don't get it back.. I have to swallow my bitterness before i drowning in it.. =,(

It's up to u now. ..keep playing this game until i give up..just show me how to survive..

wishing ★..?

i wish i can makes u happy, no, happier. ..
i wish i can makes u strong, no, stronger..
i wish for ur health, happiness, and wealth ..
but, these all not my responsibility, right..?
and no need to take care of me cos it's not ur responsibility ..i can take care of myself ..
why should i care when u're not even see me..?

maybe it's better - smiling to cover my pain.. =)

Miley Cyrus - Hope U Find It (my wish for u :) )

These clouds aren't going nowhere, baby..
Rain keeps coming down..
I just thought I'd try to call you, baby..
For you got too far outta town..

And I hope that you get this message
That I'm leaving for you..
'Cause I hate that you left without hearing
The words that I need you to

And I hope you find it
What you're looking for..
And I hope it's everything you dreamed..
Your life could be and so much more..

And I hope you're happy, wherever you are..
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
And I hope you find it..

Am I supposed to hang around and wait forever..?
Last words that I said
But that was nothing but a broken heart talking, baby..
You know that wasn't what I meant..

Call me up, let me know that you got this message
I'm leaving for you..
'Cause I hate that you left without hearing
The words that I need you to..

And I hope you find it
What you're looking for..
And I hope it's everything you dreamed..
Your life could be and so much more..

And I hope you're happy, wherever you are..
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
And I hope you find it..

Whatever it is out there
That you were missing here..:)

And I hope you find it
What you're looking for..
And I hope it's everything you dreamed..
Your life could be and so much more..

And I hope you're happy wherever you are
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
No, no, no

And I hope you find it
I hope you find it..

i need to be stronger..

if i can hug & kiss u right now, i would give my everything to God..
1 more day to pretend that everything is fine..can we..?

Are u missing me like i've been missing u..? Are u thinking of me like i do..? Will u be happier if i'm gone..?

God, strengthen me..

God, i really want to understand & accept this condition..but, please walk with me..help me to go through this..
___

Ingin ku berandai"..
Andai dia dapat mengerti 'kenapa'
Andai dia dapat mengerti 'menerima'
Andai dia dapat mengerti 'memahami'
Mungkin tak akan seperti ini..
Tapi, aku percaya..
Tuhan punya rencana & aku mungkin belum dapat mengerti, tapi kan ku coba..

if this will be easier for u, i'll go..be happy, dear..
i'll be gone before u realized..
God, please take care of him..i'm begging u, all i'm asking U to make him happy all the time..thank u, God..

i wish i am dreaming right now..

Really..
i really want this was only my dream last nite..
But, the hurts feels so real..
And..
The fact, i'm not dreaming..

i can't really write what i'm feels right now..maybe these quote(s) will tells what i feels..


_sometimes, without you fighting for this love makes me forget what i've
been really fighting for_

_it hurts me when we pretend to be friends again after its all over_

_i'll never stop caring, but if you decide to push me away, i'll go_

_i don't understand how forever turns into a few short months_

_your hugs can cure anything and right about now that's what I need the most. i wish you were here_

its hurt when u know the only person u love, hurts if they look at ur face..its really hurts (like hell for sure), when everything good turns out bad bcos at one point every problems comes up without me realized..

i can't pretend..i just can't..

IJustDon'tKnow

i thought we've agreed to talk about everything..but, i guess i'm wrong..

maybe i'm too naive to believe everything u've said..

even it's hurt, i'm still standing here..waiting for u to tell me the truth. ..bcos i already tell u about every single things in my life..why wouldn't u do the same thing..?

am i not showing u enough..?

i'm sorry for asking You too much, God..so sorry..i just don't know how, who, and why..

Give Thanks.

Tuhan,
Maaf selama ini aku hanya bisa meminta & mengeluh padaMu.
Tuhan,
Maaf selama ini aku jarang bersyukur padaMu.
Hari ini aku sangat amat bersyukur karena banyak sekali orang-orang yang (ternyata) tidak sombong.. Dengan memberikan senyuman tulus saja, bisa membuat orang merasa berterima kasih atas hari ini. Aku pun demikian..

Terima kasih masih memberikan hari lain dalam hidupku, perjuangan lain yang harus kulakukan, senyuman tulus yang dapat diberikan, udara yang masih dapat kuhirup. Terutama terima kasih atas hidup yang Engkau berikan, teman" yang selalu ada..


Morning~

Have a nice day..! ☺

Sentence~

"No one can change you, hurt you, or disappoint you, unless you yourself 'let' them to do so. -unknown-"

This sentence is totally right..
Ketika kita membiarkan seseorang untuk masuk ke dalam hidup kita, kita memberikan kesempatan kepada orang tersebut untuk membuat kita senang - sedih - kesal - marah - bahagia ..benar atau benar..?

Sesungguhnya mudah mengatakan hal tsb, tapi kita juga pasti menyadari bahwa hal tsb susah" gampang untuk dipraktekkan..

Mungkin terkadang kita sudah mempersiapkan diri untuk membentengi hati, namun yang terjadi biasanya berbeda dengan awal pemikiran..Apalagi terhadap orang yang kita sayangi/cintai. Kalimat di atas bagai 'matahari terbit di barat'..

Seandainya kalimat di atas mudah untuk dipraktekkan, mungkin tidak ada lagi tangisan, marahan, kekesalan terjadi dalam suatu hubungan (entah dalam pertemanan, percintaan, atau bahkan keluarga)..

Well..cukup syukuri dengan apa yang kita rasakan sekarang, Tuhan sudah membuat manusia sedemikian rupa untuk saling melengkapi. Pasti ada maksud mengapa manusia dapat mempengaruhi satu sama lain, tinggal masing" dari kita yang menilai & menjalaninya seperti apa.. Mencoba untuk tetap memahami & menjalankan yang terbaik..

Good night, world . ..night, my JM..

let me let go..?

where were u when i need u..?
where were u when i feel lost..?
where were u when i surrounded by negative thinking..?
this is what i'm afraid of..
i fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easy and care too much..is this really happen to me..?
everything gets better, that's what we want..but is that really going to happen..?

we thought about where we going next weekend, made fun of everything we saw, talked about our dream, about our future..but, it was yesterday..

now, we talked about past, my past for exactly..we don't touch like usual, we talked about our dream rarely..we even don't say things we supposed to said like 'i love u' or 'i miss u' with sincerely..

where were we..?am i asking u too much..?

u was never in my vocabulary, until one day, u became the only word my heart knew..but, slowy u're gone..fading..

speechless - kicep

Membahas masa lalu itu seperti belajar berenang tapi tidak bisa naik ke permukaan, tinggal pilih mau tenggelam atau berusaha nendang ke depan. Seperti halnya dalam hidup, tinggal pilah tetap dibahas untuk sakit hati atau memilih untuk cukup tahu & berjalan tanpa melihat ke belakang.

Entah dibahas karena memang penting atau untuk memicu pertengkaran atau bahkan mungkin dia yang belum bisa melupakan masa lalu-nya..?

Satu dua kali pembahasan masih dimengerti, ke tiga kali katanya "selesai pembahasan" tidak akan diungkit lagi. ..tapi, ada lagi yang ke empat & ke lima. ..jadi..??

Kadang apa yang dijanjikan, tak sesuai dengan kenyataan, cuma bisa pasrah..

Walau demikian, aku tetap menjaga hati, menyayangi setulus hati, memberi tanpa meminta..

-love the people God gave u because He will need them back one day~

Tuhan .

Terlintas-


Tuhan, tolong lindungi - kasihi & berkati - beri kesehatan - beri kenyamanan - beri kesabaran - beri kekuatan - pupuk kasih dalam hidup keluargaku, terutama kedua orang tuaku.

Tuhan, tolong lindungi - kasihi & berkati - beri kesehatan - beri kenyamanan - beri kesabaran - beri kekuatan - pupuk cinta kasih dalam hidup lelaki yang kusayangi, JM.

Tuhan, tolong lindungi - kasihi & berkati - beri kesehatan - beri kenyamanan - beri kesabaran - beri kekuatan - pupuk persahabatan dalam hidup teman" yang kukasihi.

Betapa kubersyukur atas nafas & orang" yang Kau beri dalam hidupku.

Tiada kata & tindakan yang layak membayar semua yang Engkau beri.

Terima kasih, Tuhan.

H A P P Y

Good news from a friend of mine, it's not a shocking news..and i just wanna say "See, i've told yaaa..!!" =) i'm so glad to know that she finally realize & move on.. being in a relationship is not easy, but it's not that hard also..just believe, do our best, pray, and let it flow.. well, i'm happy with my love life and you should too, my friend.. congrats to my beloved friend, ms. Nena..=) longlast for both of us..*cheers..

Salah

Masalah yang sudah lalu, masalah yang tidak ingin aku ceritakan..akhirnya harus ku ceritakan karena cepat atau lambat aku harus menceritakan semua, aku tak bisa bertahan menutupi..

Harusnya dari awal, harusnya dari dia bertanya..tapi semua terlambat..

Aku memberitahu masalah ini ketika dia tidak siap, ketika dia tidak dalam kondisi yang baik..betapa egoisnya diriku..tidak memikirkan kondisinya..

Sekarang hatipun tak tenang, dia yang kusayang tidak dapat menghapus masalah ini dengan mudah..aku menyakitinya, padahal yang kuingin dia bahagia..tapi ternyata akupun menyakitinya..

God, what should i do..? i won't give up, but please show me the way..even i have to let him go, show me how..

Spamming Random

sorry for spamming here..
i just don't know what to do . ..can't talk to anyone..

love me or leave me..

i can't fix everything in my past..

tired..but still want to try my best..

is it going to be easy and happy ending..?

negative is really not good for anyone..

it can't be done if only 1 person showing effort to make it beautiful..

it takes times & 2 person to make a beautiful journey..

i'm not gonna letting u go, until u say it to my face..sorry, but i don't want to understand

what i need from u..what u need from me ..

in the end..i hope everything will be okay. ..and i'm part of it..

or..

u're gonna be happy without me..

only God know..
i'm just doing my best..

Do the best & let God do the rest..
pray, believe, and make it happen..

Slowly

Slowly falling..

don't know what to do. ..this is what i'm afraid of..not enough for u..hurting u..u hurt bcos of me..bcos of my past..i hate to see u hurt like this..half thing have changed..like u don't appreciate all that i do..don't turn and walk away..

d.o.n.t k.n.o.w w.h.a.t t.o d.o

if crying will solve the problem, i'll cry all night.

Tuhan..help..

Tuhan..tolong bantu aku spy bisa melewati masa" ini..lewatin masa ini dgn baik sehingga di depan lebih bisa baik drpd sblm..tolong ya, Tuhan..
bantu aku spy lbh kuat utk menghadapi ini..
bantu aku spy lbh terima keadaan..
bantu aku spy bisa selesain semua..
Help me, God..i'm begging You..

Tired but happy

-night thoughts..*i think i should get this out from my mind..

Even though i feel so tired when u're surrounded by negative thoughts, in the other side i'm happy with u. ..makes me laugh, loving me with sincerely..i know & i realize i'm happy with u, i don't wanna lose u. ..

God..help me to find a way, make the negative thinking go away & let me love him with all of my heart..

Goodnite, universe . ..nite, JM..*kiss*

not enough

why is the title 'not enough'..?

Well..all of this time, i observed & realize. ..that none of us will saying 'enough' for so many thing..true or true..? Maybe one time we think that everything is more than enough, but the next day u'll find out everything is not enough for u..

We want this, we want that. ..we craving for that, we craving for this..when we got what we need, we apparently craving what we want..agree or agree..?

i'm write about this bcos i know we're human being. ..it's normal, we want more and more..but, it's makes me thinking all over again, until when we can say 'yess..it's enough for me & i'm thankful'...?!

i'm so thankful with mylife now...but, i'm just human..sorry if i can't be perfect..i made mistakes & learn from it..if someone dislike my past, well, i'm not live for making anyone happy..but, i'm going to makes me & my beloved one (s) happy..don't try to stop me..

so, love me or leave me with 'not enough' thingy..? u choose..

Bitter - Sweet

-REALationship-

Is it true if we meet again with someone in the past, it's means we're for one another..? Mm..i don't know, but i'm hoping that it's true. ..

i've talked about him in my blog on Oct 17th..he's the one that i wishing for, he's the different man..

Short of story..i didn't choose between JH or KR..why..?? i don't have any chemistry. And i meet this guy (again), well i named him JSN in my last post..now, i call him - JM..☺

Maybe i'm too naive, but i really want him to be happy..he's fulfilling my life now, complete my colors..sometimes BITTER, sometimes SWEET. ...balancing my life..do not want to be careless, but he's in my dream. ..and i hope this relationship can work out for both of us ..

But if i wasn't right for him. ...i'll be glad if i know he's happy with the right person..without me in his world..

Right now i just want to make him sure about what i feel & what i want..make him happy. ...i need him to believe that i do this all just for him..
God bless us (˘ʃƪ˘)
God, please show us the way. ..is it right for us to step together or is this indicate us that we should meet with the wrong person before meeting the right one..? show me...

i wish . ..

i really wish, YOU are the person i'm looking for..☺ *amen* JM

Jobless

Yep..i'm a lil' bit jobless right now ..
Unemployed. Jobless. U named it..

This is my first week become an unemployed. ..why..?

Short story.- i resigned from KPSG 16th March..i decided to move to a company named Lin*nd* Pac*f*c Int. There's a friend of mine that actually 'force' me to move in this company. In the beginning i don't want to move to this company, bcos i think that the place is too far to reach.. Well, bcos of her, i changed my mind (i really don't feel happy at all) ..! And yepp, i kinda regret it. ..i go to work at 6am, finish work at 4:3opm but i have to go about 1 and a half hour to out from that place (can u imagine that..?!)..i got home at 8pm, which is the same time at the old company. ..kinda-make-me-crazy..

And again, after 4 days i decided to 'out' from that company ..i don't have any 'important' job in that company, i feel so useless. ..i don't like that feeling..

And now, i gotta find another job. ..mm..easy to reach, important job, nice boss, friendly co-workers. ..*cross finger..i'll never give up . ..wish me LUCK..! =)

quote~ ♥

"everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. everything you want also wants you. but you have to take action to get it .." ~ Jules Renard

***

"things don't need to last forever to be perfect.." ~ unknown

***

"sometimes you have to say goodbye to the things you know and hello to the things you don't.." ~ The Reivers

Makes me think all over again *sigh*

---if you have to wonder where you stand with someone, maybe it's time to stop standing and start walking---

When no one aware for what i'm doing in the office

Missing.
Maybe it's the word to describe how i feel right now..i miss my partner (the guy who sit next to me), he finally resign from this company & yesterday was his last day ☹

i miss how he ask what am i doing, am i busy, am i boring, or helped me to finish my task ..he (almost all the time) AWARE of what i'm doing ..*aarggghh..!

i miss bullying him (not REAL bullying) . ..(˘̩̩̩.˘̩̩ƪ)

counting 1 by 1 . ..leaving this office, missing them for sure..

Another hellogoodbye thingy

Here we are again facing the 'hellogoodbye' thingy . ..since Agust'11, when our lovely boss (i mean really CARE about us) resign, our team isn't complete anymore..
one by one, they out from company for good ..

the first, ci Vinny, she's my SPV in HR-Group..she's the one that teach me a lot about TITAN GROUp, she just like 'angel' in HR-Group..

after ci Vinny, ko Jerry also signing out from KPSG..he got another great & challenging job in oil Palm company ..he's also a kind man & (very) caring to us..

a month after that, ci Sysy saying 'sayonara' to us ..she said that she doesn't got 'something' after our boss leave KPSG..

and then, the hardest part is coming..Putry, she's a (what should i called her) 'crazy' yet funny girl, the youngest among us ..she used to work as a Call Center, but our 'ex' boss gave her another challenging task as a Administrator..so, she got double job with the same salary.. *sigh* ..
and yesterday, 2 of my friends in KPSG also signing out from KPSG world, Nena & Arief.. Nena (my partner in gossiping session ټ) work in KPSG as a Recruitment Officer the same like me, she know (i also know) how hard the task..as far as i work here, our job-desk isn't REAL (i mean not clear & anything we can do, we have to do it with same salary) ..ironic, right..??
Arief as a CRM for ±1 month, he's a fast learner..actually, i know he have a good ability to work hard, so i agree when he told me that he got another opportunity in multinational company . ..

well, Good Luck for my-(ex)-team-HRS..i know we will meet again another time, another situation, & another condition.. congrats for the new job, new experience..even if it's so hard for me to let go the rest of u, but i know u all will success in God's way..

God bless~ ♥

New Year•

-Happy New Year 2012-

Say goodbye to year 2011 and welcome a brand new year 2012..

Let me Thank all the Good people,
Who made '2011' so much beautiful for Me.
I pray u all be blessed with faithful years ahead.

I wish u a

-Fantastic JANUARY
-Love able FEBRUARY
-Marvelous MARCH
-Fool less APRIL
-Enjoyable MAY
-Successful JUNE
-Wonderful JULY
-Independent AUGUST
-Romantic SEPTEMBER
-Tastiest OCTOBER
-Beautiful NOVEMBER
-Happiest DECEMBER

Have a VICTORIOUS '2012'

God bless us ♥
-neL